Am I selfish for wanting a career instead of kids? emmixbowles fashion career girlboss manchester night and day cafe yellow bag

2019 will be the year that Paul and I will NOT be having a baby.

Despite the amount of people on my social media popping one out and the pressure from family to get up the duff.

It’s not going to happen.

Nope. Sorry.

I’ve heard enough stories about bleeding, stitches, ripping and pain to put me off for another 5 years at least!

I’m 23 this year, and although Paul will be 28 (with his 30th looming in the back of his mind) we both agree that we are no way near ready for kids!

Although Paul’s age might be something to spur us onto having kids sooner, I for one don’t want to rush through my 20’s. But instead I’d rather focus on my career.

God I sound so motherly.

But it’s true.

Having kids is not on my radar right now.

But instead climbing the career ladder, getting a promotion, saving for a mortgage and maybe a dog are at the top of my list.

My parents weren’t in their 20’s when they had me but my Mum was young when she had my siblings. So were my grandparents when they had kids.

It seems like the normal thing to do in your twenties because that’s what our relatives did – but it’s also seen as a taboo in society and the media makes young mums and dads out to be deviants at times. *insert eye roll here*

As much as I want to be around for my children for as long as possible when I do eventually have them. My career and myself has to come first right now.

I’ve always been a firm believer in that you shouldn’t bring another mouth into their world if you can’t afford to feed it – let alone clothe it, put it through school and give it the best start in life.

But I also know that it isn’t as simple as that.

My sister has three beautiful children who I love dearly and I don’t know how she did it. I’m knackered when I pop over for the day.

But I know she wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s her life and her family.

For me my life (as sad as it seems) is my career.

I worked my ass off to get a good degree and job after university and I’ll be damned if I don’t succeed in what I want to do in life.

And to do that I can’t have kids right now. Well I can, I just don’t want to.

When you have a child your whole world changes and I’m still getting used to looking after myself and Paul from time to time.

If we decide to throw a dog into the mix then I definitely won’t have the energy or time to grow our family even more so, whilst trying to climb the career ladder.

So right now and for the foreseeable future I’m not planning on getting pregnant and I’m ok with that.

This year and the next 5 (at least) will be about me. And maybe Paul and a dog.

If you have children let me know how old you were when you had them. I’d love to hear about Mums and Dad’s who are pursuing their dream jobs whilst being a parent and running a family home.



  1. January 21, 2019 / 8:48 pm

    I don’t think that makes you selfish at all. In fact, I think it’s more selfish to bring a baby into the world when you know you probably can’t support it. Then again, I was also brought up by older parents so I’ve never felt like there would be a problem with not having kids until my thirties. In the end it’s up to every person, but I don’t think you should ever feel guilty for pursuing a career you love.

    • January 21, 2019 / 9:24 pm

      I had a similar situation my parents were older when they had me but a lot younger when they had my siblings. I feel like there’s a rush to have kids but also a pressure to get a good job

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