Why I’m being selective with my friendships

JustEmmi.com emmixbowles

Back in the good ol’ days of 2012 I moved schools in order to do my A Level exams. This meant I had to say goodbye to the people who were my friends at the time.

Of course we all pinky promised that we would text everyday and meet up in town all the time. We had high hopes. But a lass we were very naive teenagers.

Fast forward to 2018 and I’m living 300 miles away from my school friends and family, and a good hour from most of the people I met at university.

Everyone says that they will stay in touch and visit you and you’ll get a train to see them but this is far from the reality.

The truth is friendships are bloody hard to maintain. They take time and effort and more than a few tags in cute dog videos.

I’m quite lucky that my ‘best’ friends understand how busy things can be and if we don’t talk for a while or go months without meeting up that’s ok.

We’re also those type of friends who could meet up after a year of not seeing each other and everything would be normal. It would be like we’d never lost contact. Those are the friendships you should surround yourself with.

It can be very easy to fall into the trap of ‘oh I’m too busy’ or ‘they don’t message me so I won’t message them.’

I have to admit I’ve done this a few times.

But if you want to make any relationship work you need to put in that extra time. It’s only when they don’t give it back in return that you start to fall into problems.

As horrible as it might sound, those are the types of ‘friendships’ you really don’t need in your life.

The way I see it why should I waste my free time trying so hard to keep that connection going when the other person doesn’t really care if it bridge falls apart or not.

Those hours texting them trying to catch up could be spent meeting up with someone who actually wants to spend quality time with you.

I would never turn my nose up at the people who I was once close to. In fact if they messaged me out the blue and said they were in Manchester I’d go and see them.

But when they don’t return the effort that I’m putting in what’s the point in changing your plans and going out of your way in the hope they might make the effort back one day?

We wouldn’t want to surround ourselves with two-faced, fake people so why try to force a friendship that clearly doesn’t want to happen?

I’m 21, have a full-time job, a relationship and extra projects outside of work so my free time is very limited.

Just how I’d want to be productive with my days off rather than binge watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, I want my time with other people to be beneficial.

It would be great to meet up with a friend I’ve lost contact with over the years but when you have to message them and force them to met up with you then how can that be time well spent?

If I was single and dating I wouldn’t waste my time trying to get a guy to like me when he clearly had other women on his mind. Sure he could end up being the one that got away, but I also could have bonded more with someone else who actually wanted to spend time with me.

This whole post may sound negative but it’s really not. It’s about making the most of life and what life gives you.

I actually love meeting new people and making new friends and putting myself out there. From experience most people I’ve met have wanted to make the effort as well. It’s sadly the ‘older’ friends who let the relationships slide.

But this isn’t something I dwell on. In fact I put my energy into those new relationships. As the saying goes when one door closes another one opens.

We only have one life (depending on what you believe) and we have no idea what could be around the corner so make the most of it.

Build the bridges you want and need to build. Don’t waste time building up the ones that aren’t willing to help you with the construction. But also don’t be afraid to knock down the ones who are leaching off you far too much.

Sometimes we have to let people go. Whether we like or not.

Have you had to say goodbye to friends because they weren’t interested anymore? Do you find that your ‘newer’ friends are your closers friends compared to those from your childhood? I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments.



  1. March 31, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    I have had so many friends who just don’t make the effort and it’s such a shame to let those friendships for but it’s also just not worth keeping them going. Now I only have a small handful of friends but it’s so much better. Quality over quantity any day.

    Steph x

  2. April 2, 2018 / 11:10 am

    I can relate so much to this, Emmi! Its so important not to waste time, energy and love on those that don’t want to give it back. It means you can focus more on the people that matter too 🙂

    Laura xx


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *