Today class we’re going to talk about periods, so if you’re not a fan of talking about periods and think that this might gross you out just a little then you might want to skip this blog post and come back next week.
Now the warning is out the way let’s get right into it shall we.
As somebody who has been experiencing periods for the best part of 11 years I’ve learnt a thing or two about my time of the month. Mostly how to handle it when it arrives, but there are a few things that can happen during your cycle that they fail to warn you about at school. I went to an all girls school so you think they’d warn us about all of this.
You will want to eat everything in sight. If you’re trying to lose weight then you better lock the cupboards because periods = hormones, and for most women hormones = food binge. If you’re one of the lucky girls to binge on carrot sticks and apples then I envy you.
The slightest thing will send your hormones through the roof. Despite hating it when men blame our periods for our bad moods, this is somewhat true. You’re hormones can be all over the place. One minute you will be laughing, the next crying. Eventually your other half will just get used to it though so don’t worry too much.
You’ll want sex a lot more. Yep, let’s talk about another taboo subject that is sex. It varies for a lot of women but it’s usually the days just before your period starts and during it when you become horny AF! It’s a real pain, especially if you’re not one for period sex. (We’ll discuss this later)
No form of protection is perfect. Whether it’s a tampon, pad or moon cup, sadly no form of protection is 100% perfect, so don’t worry if you wake up to a little red stain on the bed or your pyjamas. It’s rare for things to leak during the day when your sat or stood, but at night-time just be prepared.
You’re bath water won’t look like a scene from Jaws. Having a bath will make you feel so much better during your time of the month, but there’s this stigma that it’ll all come out in the water. As long as you go to the toilet before hand I can assure you that this won’t happen.
Your period can come out in one go. This was something I only learnt about recently after a friend told me about her experience. It’s called a decidual cast. It’s basically where instead of the womb lining coming out here and there over a week like most periods, it just decided to pack its bags and leave in one go. It’s pretty gross and whilst writing this I had a google and stumbled across some lovely photos on Cosmo that I now can’t un-see. Don’t worry though, just ring the doctor to make sure it’s not a miscarriage or anything else more serious. You haven’t done anything wrong and you’re body isn’t breaking.
Curling up into a ball can be the best option. At school they tell you about hot water bottles and paracetamol. Throw that all out the window and just get into the fetal position and don’t move until you’re happy. – If you can get your boyfriend to bring you cups of tea, even better!
Never chance it. Periods are different for everyone and just when you think it’s over, it will come back with vengeance. This is the same for the start. You might think you can get away with one more day and bam, you’re hit without any protection and have to do that awkward run to Boots because you weren’t prepared. Just never chance it.
It will wake you up at night. Depending on the form of protection you use, your period can actually disturb your sleep – especially if you have a heavy flow. But it’s better to get up and change it than to stay in bed and be uncomfortable.
It will be late. No period is perfect, even if you’re on contraception to control your periods. There will be times when it will be late. It will be longer than normal. Shorter than normal. It might even start when you don’t expect it to. But don’t worry. Your body will sort itself out. – If you are spotting a lot more than usual always speak to a doctor and they can make sure nothing serious is going on down there.
Tampons can be a pain. Literally. Even after years of practice there will be days when it just doesn’t want to go in right. It will be uncomfortable to sit down, walk, or just breath. Always keep a spare pad handy for days like this.
Your flow will be forever changing. Like the timing of your period, your flow will change as well. It may be heavier or lighter than usual, but this is fine and nothing to worry about. It’s usually to do with other things going on inside your body. But if you’re ever worried give the nurse a ring.
Wear something with pockets in. There is nothing worse than doing that not so subtle tampon/pad up the sleeve trick when you’re in school asking to go to the loo. Or worse, in an office full of men. Trust me you don’t want to be stopped on your way to the toilet with a pad scrunched up in your hand awkwardly. Invest in some comfy clothes with pockets in them. – Or just let everyone know you’re on your period if you’re an open book like that.
Bulk buy when on offer. Despite some companies trying to get rid of the tax on sanitary products, they are still bloody expensive (pun intended). If you ever see an offer on them, then grab them. Fill your trolley and stock pile them at home!
Do what makes you comfy. The amount of times I’ve made plans to go to the gym but backed out due to period pain. (I totally go to the gym when I’m not on my period…) Just face it, most things go out the window when that pain hits so just do what makes you comfortable. If you can carry on with your normal routine then great. But don’t be afraid to take a day off.
That’s it for all of the period talk for this month. Hopefully you’ve learnt something new today. Let me know in the comments if there is anything you learnt about your time of the month than they failed to tell you in school.
© Emmi Bowles